Sunday, July 27, 2003
what was once thought a blessing now seems a curse. what seemed like open mindedness, the art of seeing and empathizing with all facets of an argument, idea, situation, etc. has morphed into an inability to form any opinion, to make any decision. by understanding everything, i've developed an understanding of nothing.
my mind is so fragmented. no thought is without contradiction, complete paradox, complete confusion.
i am beautiful.
i'm plain, unattractive, disfigured.
i'm curvey, womanly, feminine, sensual, sexy.
i'm overweight, fat, obese.
i am witty, funny. i'm an extraordinary intellectual.
i'm naive, ignorant, stupid. i'm scary, abrassive, boring, mean, dull.
i am twitterpated. i adore, lust, long for, love.
i'm confused, annoyed, disinterested, imagining things, bored, wasting my time.
it's not a good day or a bad day. it's not a matter of how a mood strikes me. it is simultaneous and constant disagreement with myself over every facet of my being.
i'm happy. i'm an optimist, an idealist, a cheerful, exuberant person.
i'm so lonely. i'm so depressed. i'm so confused, distraught, empty.
i don't know what this means. i don't know how to change it. i don't know if i should want to change it. i don't know who or what i am. i don't know what i want.
Sunday, July 20, 2003
this is my chance!
NaNoWriMo 2003!
I'm 100% in on this, kids, and I'm issuing a challenge to all of you. I know my friends are lame enough to write a shitty novel in a month.
Go to the site. Check it out.
Friday, July 18, 2003
today i can't concentrate on anything. there is so much running around in my head, but all i can do is make lists that never get checked off. i don't have the means to do anything i want to get done.
i need to get a hold on my time and my resources. i could do more. i'm doing more than i used to. there's just so much "prescribed nonsense" that stops me from doing the things i think i really important.
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