Sunday, March 31, 2002
what is going on? no really... what the heck is going on?
i'm having such a stress attack kind of day. anxiety overload. i feel completely out of control of every single facet of my entire life. much more out of control than normal. there is so much going on... assignments, work chaos, other... stuff. it's all kind of making me nuts.
plus i'm so insanely broke, and still enough sick to bog me down, and i have a million things playing around in my mind with no where for them to go.
i guess that's all. it's not really... but it is. ya know? haha
Friday, March 29, 2002
things that became apparent today:
i'm extremely flexible, easy going and open minded. this may or may not have anything to do with the fact that i am also very confused. i'm a confusing girl. being me is... confusing. are you confused yet?
(confused is one of those words that sounds more and more ridiculous the more you say it, by the way.)
Thursday, March 28, 2002
then again... HOOray for being sick. i got to sit in bed ALL DAY reading and didn't feel a bit guilty about it.
i managed to read what had to have been the last HALF of the green mile this afternoon and between that and my cold... wow. you've never seen so many puffs plus in a trash can! ew...
now i want to see the movie... i know it can only suck compared to the book, but i had heard good things about the movie when it came out. at the time i had no interest in it, but i had no idea what it was about, or that steven king had anything to do with it. i'll have to scour the shelves of the iowa city public library for it.
BOOray for being sick... but it's a price i'll gladly pay.
last night a cute boy brought me yummy ice cream and read me bedtime stories til i fell alseep.
Wednesday, March 27, 2002
i woke up this morning and as soon as my groggy head cleared and i could formulate a coherent thought i realized...
i'm sick as a dog. whatever that means.
i'm a bit stuffy and a bit runny, a bit coughy and gaggy, my throught hurts, my shoulders ache...
all very attractive i know.
Monday, March 25, 2002
i feel like it's my duty to tell you why i think the oscars sucked and who got screwed, but i couldn't put it nearly as eloquantly as jarrad, so frankly i'm not even going to bother.
one thing i would like to say is, SHREK???? for the love of god, people.
jimmy neutron, boy genius got screwed.
Sunday, March 24, 2002
i enjoy a good book, and i sure love being read to. you know what i would like more than anything? just to sit around on the couch, (or in bed... whatever) perhaps wrapped up in a down comforter i confiscated... and read a book with someone. that would be good fun. it would probably take awhile, but sometimes there just isn't much else to do around here.
Friday, March 22, 2002
i actually heard voices in the hall this morning. could it be true that spring break is ending?
Thursday, March 21, 2002
honestly, i think i'm one of few people who had indiana even going head to head with duke in the ncaa tournament. i have to be one af a VAST minority that had indiana winning.
maybe my bracket wasn't that unrealistic afterall? or maybe it is completely unbelievable that indiana won that game? yeah that.
how some people can get to be so wise beyond their years amazes me. honestly, my friend jarrad is truly talented and disturbingly funny, but when it comes right down to it... i've never heard anything but the exact perfect thing to say come out of his mouth.
i don't really have anything else to say, but i wanted to share because he deserves a thank you. so, thank you.
Wednesday, March 20, 2002
i guess, like a lot of people, sometimes even i just think too much. sometimes things seem so overwhelming at first and you worry about outcomes and stuff that you have no real control over at the time. i tend to do that too much. 99.9% of the time my momentary lapses of anxiety are all for naught and whatever i was stressing about ends up a non-issue.
sometimes i'm even pleasantly surprised by things. if your immediate reaction to an event is kind of, 'ooh... this could get messy', it's kind of nice when what really comes out of it is an enlightening fresh look at yourself and other people.
i've learned a lot the last couple days. you have no idea. and it's spring break... who thought i'd spend it learning?
(and who thought i could be so amused by an alanis morissette reference that few would catch and fewer would appreciate?)
Monday, March 18, 2002
i've been trying to write something all afternoon, but i can't get it to come out right.
i have countless funny, noteworthy, perhaps even meaningful things to say... but every time i write something it either trivializes what i'm talking about or makes too big a deal of it. i don't want to do that, but realistically i can't, and wouldn't want to just ignore it. and frankly no matter what i write i'm leaving 99% of my readership in the dark.
maybe it's weird that i've said this much, but it has just been on my mind and this is the best way to get things off my mind usually. and i think i can just babble without being weird because frankly we've talked about stranger things.
i have more to say, but this isn't the time or place. i wouldn't want anything to be taken out of context or misinterpreted. it's just one of those things that it's probably better to be crystal clear about. or something. this post is getting ridiculous.
anyway, we'll chat later. it's all good.
Saturday, March 16, 2002
i took the strong interest inventory through the university counseling service a couple weeks ago, because when people ask me what i'm going to be when i grow up i susually tell them something like superhero, or bank robber. my parents don't think that's cute anymore.
it was no surprise what my areas of interest are... obviously you can't inventory your interests if you don't know what they are to begin with. it did, however reaffirm what i already knew. then they proceeded to list about ten careers that would fit my interests. these are the ones i can remember (i'll try to keep them in order):
chef
parks and recreation coordinator
elementary school teacher
community service organization director
special education teacher
flight attendant
advertising executive
florist
so during all those years of hopping from major to major... at least i was on the right track. i mean, my current field of study ranks second highest!
now i have a good idea what types of jobs would interest me. i'd like to take the time to point out that all of the possible jobs were very... normal, for lack of a better word. you couldn't place into dancer, or actor, or writer, or anything exciting. sure, i'm interested in being the director of some parks and recreation department... and i'd probably do a darn good job. but that won't make me famous.
(i know this game happened three days ago, but bear with me and my complete obsession.)
so during the first round of the NIT wednesday night while "iowa found a way to lose again...", i learned something very important. i love college basketball, and i can watch anyone play on teevee (thus the delay for this update... HOOray for NCAAs!) but actually going to games... that's another story.
i sat there in row 6 (virtually my old izzone seats) and tried to get into the game... but frankly, i've never been more homesick in my life. the arena looked weird, the colors were all wrong, the chants and cheers were foreign, and the band didn't know the right songs. i cheered my butt off for the hawkeyes, because i like them, and i wanted to win... but not because they were MY team... cuz they aren't.
it was like going through a rough break-up and trying to date again. the hawkeyes are nice, the arena is handsome, it's just that i'm still too in love with the spartans and the izzone to give anyone else a chance yet...
i predict things will be different when football season comes around. i've practically been to as many hawkeye football games as spartan games. i never cared about spartan football... i wasn't part of the tailgating culture. maybe the hawkeye football team can be MY team... but it's going to take a lot for the b-ball boys to win me over.
Tuesday, March 12, 2002
hey, if you're a college basketball fan, or just like to make me look bad, then you might want to consider joining our sandbox.com bracket group. e-mail me and i'll send you the group name and password. come on, you know you want to.
have you ever had a job interview go like this:
"do you have any visible tatoos?"
"no."
"ok, well you come very highly recommended so i think we're about done here."
that was special.
more things:
dave let me down.
and somewhat more relevant:
"The twin towers of light are meant to represent the fallen twin towers of the World Trade Center."
thank goodness they cleared up that symbolism for me... although, honestly i think it's a pretty cool tribute. certainly very visible.
(i realize this has always been closer to just a journal or diary than your average 'blog', but i've been playing with the newsblogger side bar and it's fun! thus the remotely newsworthy stories now and then.)
Monday, March 11, 2002
recap:
the sunday night dinner/laundry extravaganza was once again a raging success. the wimpy two loads of laundry i did were nothing compared to the chicken parmasan/mazzorella and wine i got to enjoy. i did make cookies too though, so it all evened out, i guess.
today lots of hard work payed off as we watched people pour into the walt disney world college program recruiting presentation. we had about 30% more people show up than last semester. very nice. i got to be perky all night, but instead of safari kahki i got to dress up a little so it felt like sorority rush all over again. i have an interview tomorrow for the summer college program. i have to imagine i'll be able to get in, even though it is very competitive. in a way though life would be a lot easier, albeit more boring, if i didn't get in. time will tell.
silly willy is getting married this summer. wowzers. i mean, i knew he was getting married, but obviously the date is set by now and invitations are soon to be on the way. it's all very exciting, really... even if i'm a wee bit jealous.
anything else i need to say at this time? um, let's see... oh, i filled in my tournament brackets. i think i have michigan state, indiana, ohio state, and illinois in the final four. is that unrealistic?
Saturday, March 09, 2002
i had a great time last night. i really did. i laughed a lot and learned a lot and smiled a lot and listened a lot.
smiling is important. lots of people can make you laugh but it's different to make someone smile. funny is temporary, but isn't it nice to make people happy?
sometimes people don't want to tell you things because it might change the way you think. i know i have things like that. i heard some things that changed the way i think... but in a good way. in a nice way. i'm not sure why i never heard those things before, but i'm glad i know them now.
i hope more "nice" things happen to you soon. you should see the way it makes your eyes sparkle.
no, really. i have to have this book. anyone feel like buying my love and affection?
Friday, March 08, 2002
"The pickpocket stole Philbin’s wallet when no one was watching, ABC said"
if by 'when no one was watching' you mean, 'DURING who wants to be a millionaire?'...
today i stared at ripples in the water for the better part of an hour.
my mind is both empty and buzzing at the same time. i've got a lot to say but i can't find the words... or motivation to say it. i'm not even sure what IT is. it's just one of those days.
i would like nothing more in the world right now than to be sitting on a bench with a good friend just staring into space or talking about anything or nothing. i really need that. i'm just no good at asking for it.
i hate trying to put these moods into words. it sounds so lame and melodramatic. i'm not this pathetic, really. i just need some quality interaction with another human being before i retreat entirely into the recesses of my mind. that or buffalo wings.
Wednesday, March 06, 2002
belated birthday pictures can be found here.
a million trillion jillion thanks to 'the mike' for answering my plea for an effecient way to display pictures. he's done a lot of putting up with me, and probably will do a lot more before his fanstastic script is 'done'.
on a seemingly unrelated note (it all makes sense in MY head...) congratulations to myles for getting his 1000th blogskins user this afternoon. i've known all along how awesome he is, but now all of you who have not been exposed to his genius can check out what he can do.
HOOray for smart boys, eh?
WANTED: someone with a great appreciation for campy old-school sci-fi classics. you know... it came from outerspace, the thing, the blob, godzilla, all the way up to 80's goodness like frankenhooker. this person should preferably live in the iowa city area and be a hot boy... but i guess begger's can't be choosers. illini fans need not apply.
does anyone know where elise of opinebovine, swallowingtacks, zestyweasel fame disappeared to?
Tuesday, March 05, 2002
maybe this seems obvious to others, or maybe i'm way off base. maybe it just won't make any sense at all. either way, here's my thought of the day:
i hear about extraordinary things that other people have acomplished. things they do, things they make, etc. it depresses me because i want that. i want to have amazing stories to tell. but then it occured to me, i think i DO have amazing stories to tell. they may not seem so extraordinary to me because i lived them, and maybe it was no big deal at the time... but to others my stories may be just as amazing. sure, i'm no olympic athlete, academy award winning actress, or well documented scientist... but i have a wealth of unique experiences to draw from. athletes and actors and all those famous types assure us that they are just regular people doing their jobs. i want to believe that they think they are as normal and uninteresting as i usually think i am. because *i* don't think they are boring, i think they are incredible... and maybe there is a chance someday someone will think *i'm* incredible.
i've felt a little overwhelmed lately. full of ideas and lists and things i try so desperately to remember that i never fail to forget. there is just so much out there, and i panic because i forget just how long i have to do it all. i mean, i guess we never know that, but for sanity's sake i assume i have a full lifetime.
you don't even know what i'm talking about, do you? there are so many movies to see and so much snow to play in. so much on my 'to do' list but that seems less important than the things on my 'to read' list.
the more i see and do, the more i WANT to see and do. i want to drive to EVERY state and see ALL of the olympics. i want to rent all the classic movies and read all the great books. i want to try every recipe in my cookbooks. i want to explore and learn to dance.
how can i possibly concentrate on writing midterm essays or revamping my resume when there are so many snowballs to make, and so much hot chocolate to drink?
just writing this... letting myself think of all this... it makes my heart race in that anxiety, panic-attacky way. i'm all tense and running around inside. i try to put it all out of my mind, but then i get even more upset at the thought that i might FORGET to do one of these things.
i may actually be completely neurotic.
Monday, March 04, 2002
today marks the 150th anniversary of the founding of phi mu fraternity. i couldn't dream of adequately putting into words all of the ways being a member of this sisterhood has changed me. i don't want to trivialize it all with sappy accounts and cliche phrases. i just want to thank my sisters for all they have done, all they have been through, and all they continue to do to make themselves and others better people and the world a better place.
Sunday, March 03, 2002
HOOray for my new favorite day of the week, SUNDAY!
yes, kids. it's that time again. laundry/dinner day. because dinner was SOSOSOSO good last week and because brian generates entirely too much laundry in a two week period we decided to make this a weekly ritual.
tonight's menu: beer cheese soup and baked potatoes.
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