Saturday, December 22, 2001
this job is slowly killing me
Wednesday, December 19, 2001
i can't believe it's almost christmas. it may as well be august. it's still hot and there is something terribly wrong with palm trees with christmas lights. i had fun here last christmas, but i got some michigan christmas/winter before i came here... and the company was better.
i'm looking forward to doing the presents thing, but i'm not looking forward to sitting on a curb on new york street watching the 'snow' and listening to the christmas music and drinking hot chocolate and eating roasted nuts and looking at all the lights... by myself.
i AM looking forward to texas and new years eve and leaving my job for a new one in iowa. i'm looking forward to moving slightly closer to home and to snow.
anyway, i'm just kind of babbling and going through the motions of updating. such is my life lately. the more finalized things get with my move the less i care about the here and now.
Sunday, December 16, 2001
i am going to san antonio. isn't that exciting? i'm totally going to my second bowl game and adding like four states to my travel total. i've done my time in florida and georgia but have never been to what i consider the 'deep south'... or particularly 'out west'. i mean, iowa is out west as far as i'm concerned.
plus this will be like my official hawkeye initiation. fun fun fun. i can't wait!
Thursday, December 13, 2001
i totally just got rear-ended. (further proof that i am invisable)
the TOD II seems to be fine and i think 90% of my stiff neck/back is just in my head. (but you can feel sorry for me anyway) and oh, what i would do for a backrub. (i am so deprived)
"My neck is sore. I can only imagine what a sore neck would be like for a giraffe--probably ridiculous, much like the general appearance of giraffe."
i think that about sums it up.
Tuesday, December 11, 2001
you know... MSU's basketball record may not be the best in the big ten, but our schedule just may be the toughest. the illini think they're so tough, yet BOTH times they have faced a ranked opponent they have lost. sure, we've lost 3 games, all to top 25 teams but, we are one of only THREE big ten teams to beat a ranked opponent (and of those we are the only one who hasn't lost to an UNranked opponent. in fact, other than the buckeyes everyone else HAS lost to unranked teams... and look at the buckeyes schedule. come on.)
will you see the spartans in the final four this year? not likely. will they be a contender for a fifth straight big ten title? you bet your ass they will.
Saturday, December 08, 2001
well guys, here's the scoop:
i've been having some connectivity issues and it's getting real busy down here. i can't make any promises about the frequency of my updating until i get settled in my new home come january. of course i say this, and like always i'll probably still manage to update more than most of you but i just wanted to warn you anyway.
for months i have had the burden of trying to plan out my near future in two different scenarios: if i stay or if i go. both fortunately and unfortunately a weight has been lifted from my shoulders as now i can just plan for ONE specific scenario. i'm moving to iowa! unfortunately that means bri isn't moving to florida which is a bummer...
so between now and mid january i have to deal with christmas at the toy store, christmas at the apartment, packing, finding a place to crash for a couple weeks when my lease is up, a trip to san antonio for my first hawkeye football game, finding a job/home in iowa, going to orientation and starting classes.
wish me luck!
how appropriate. if i were a work of art, i would be edvard munch's the scream.
i express the subconscious troubles and anxieties of the world. i hold my head and let loose the primal terror of my innermost fears, surrounded by a lurid landscape which reflects my feeble grasp on reality.
which work of art would you be? the art test
Friday, December 07, 2001
sorry my comments haven't been working today. it's all mike's fault. but he rocks so it's all better now. hopefully.
***
actually it's not, but it should be soon... in theory.
i might actually be addicted to christmas shopping. seriously, some people out there are going to have a very merry christmas because i really can't stop shopping.
and god help us all. rumor has it disney is marking down all monsters inc. stuff to like 40% off next week just to blow it out over the holidays while it's hot so they don't end up with an atlantis sized pile of merchandize come january. mind you, disney cast members get their very merry christmas discount on top of the sale price. HA!
who wants monsters inc stuff for christmas? hahaha
Wednesday, December 05, 2001
wow, that MSU-UF game was out of hand. even i couldn't help but lose a little faith in the boys when they were down by 16 most of the game. but those last few minutes were so fantastic. i didn't think they'd win but it hurt to think they'd lose by so much. i can totally handle a 4 point loss to the freakin' gators. that last posession was just a glimpse at what you'll see this spring, folks. watch out.and a quote from dookie v in the first half:
"the rowdy reptiles are standing up... they're going crazy in here!"
the rowdy reptiles were sitting down? please... and you call yourself a fan?
happy birthday, walt!
Tuesday, December 04, 2001
i inspire poetry.
Monday, December 03, 2001
if anyone out there *really* loves me, they should know that this is on sale at the disney store for $19.99. (and of course they are a limited edition so they are going fast!)
i really really want one, and could get one 40% off i guess if i wanted to, but it occurs to me it is far too close to christmas to be buying things for myself, eh? i still have too much shopping to do for other people. boo hiss.
Sunday, December 02, 2001
hrmpf... but *i* wanted it!i know it's worth more than i can afford to pay... *sigh*
i hate getting outbid.
by the way, i'm totally addicted to tomorrowland stuff. here are some christmas ideas.
Saturday, December 01, 2001
i don't mean to be completely crass, but did you know there is a 'long dick creek' in iowa? seriously...
i absolutely MUST have this!!!!
i wrote this about 2 nights ago because i couldn't sleep. while it serves as a very depressing read it also serves a nice example of how my brain can start in one place and finish on an entirely different subject mere lines later.
***
i've always been involved in as many things as i could possibly fit into my schedule. i've always been a 'joiner' because frankly, i've never really belonged. i need the comfort of identifying labels because being Stephanie has never been enough. if i'm a lacrosse player, a phi mu, a mensan, a spartan, someone's girlfriend, etc. then i am someone. right now i feel like i am no one. right now i am a fraud clinging to labels that no longer suit me. right now i am a nameless face in a mass of frequently more important people than myself. i don't stand out. i have no reason to believe i'm special. i am painfully average, except at those times when i am freakishly ill-equipped to deal with my above-averageness. i am so alone... even in the company of my closest peers i feel so far away. so inadequate. i ache for something i'm afraid i'll never find. in all the world why would anyone choose me? i want so badly to be chosen... to actually be good enough. because i feel so worthless sometimes. i used to believe there was someone out there just for me... once i thought i had found him... now the most terrible thing is happening. i don't think i even believe he could exist anymore. even if at my best someone could love me, these days i'm at my worst. who could even tolerate someone with a attitude like mine? no one. that's who.
(11/29/01)
content 2000-2008 © stephanie sweitzer
